reading anger, feeling anger

How close reading helps us stop intellectualizing our pain and start feeling justified anger

Here’s some searing-hot and personal truth:

About a year or so ago, my therapist told me “You’re really good at being sad. You are really, really good at melancholy. Hunkering down with a book and a candle and having a big, long cry. And that’s a beautiful thing.”

A dreaded pause.

“I just wonder how good you might be at your other feelings if you actually let yourself feel them. You know. Like, anger, for example.”

Hey. Ouch.

I blinked at her in frustrated silence. Because like many people (especially women), I have found it nearly impossible to let myself feel anger. Ironically, I was pissed at her for seeing this so clearly and knowing how much I needed to hear it. I was angry in that moment, with someone I trust more than just about anyone else, and I couldn’t even admit that to her. I couldn’t have even named it anger, in that moment, because I was already busy analyzing what she meant and what steps I could take to “fix” myself so she’d never notice that in me again.

(Yeah. I know. T…